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This is a sample from one of my favourite newsgroups (guess which!). Take it seriously, and place any comments where they belong (not in my mailbox, that is) Stig. [Note: another article in this thread pointed out that the Papal Academy of Sciences has declared biological evolution "a fact beyond reasonable doubt".]
From: lmerkel@BIX.com (lmerkel on BIX) howell@helix.nih.gov (Renee Howell) writes:
>Can anyone out there tell me what position the Vatican takes on the theory
The Vatican's latest stand on evolution(as revised in the new catechism)
In the beginning, God created a heaving earth, and it was in
ferment, and no life moved upon it, not even the creeping thing.
And God looked thereat and said "Let there be life." And lo the
waters of the earth began to grow little things. And God saw his little
children, algaesus, as colorful lint in the waters of the deep, and He
said: "Cool."
And God watched his little children multiply.
And He watched.
And He watched.
And He watched.
And He watched.
And He watched.
And it was morning and night for a few billion years.
Then God said: "This algaesus isn't cool anymore."
So God said, "Let the little things take unto themselves partners,
that they may cleave to one another, one catching the food and the other
preparing the food for consumption, competing with other teams of like
creatures in various activities, that they may experience life and I may
have something better to watch."
And lo, some little things in the oceans began to cleave together
as partners, and became bigger little things. And seeing the little
things around them, they did give thanks and eat thereof. And thus the
bigger little things grew in size, might and cunning.
And God watched what he had wrought, and found that it was good.
And it was morning and night for a few more hundred million years.
Then God said, "Let the bigger little things take unto themselves
new habits, that I may see something different." For even His mighty
patience was thin from long watching of algaesus.
Whereat some of the bigger things in the oceans, which fed on the
little things, turned upon their brethren and consumed others after
their kind. And God saw this and said "Way cool."
And it was morning and night many times again, for a hundred
million years, more or less.
Then God did return to earth after a quick break, and He found that
some of the bigger things had crafted hard shells, and seeing the
handiwork of His handiwork, God said: "Awesome. I should have thought of
that."
And it was morning and night for some more millions of years. And
many things, shelled and unshelled, moved in the waters of the deep, and
God saw that it was good. Lo. Verily.
Then God said "I will take these children of Mine to be with Me in
heaven," and he sent a mighty comet down upon the face of the earth to
show the path to heaven, and he took unto his bosom many of His
creatures.
But the few living things He left upon the earth wept and gnashed
their shells and toothless gums. And God saw this, and said "Let Us give
them something to do, that they may cease their wailing." For God was
sometimes not just one person, but a committee. And God commanded the
living things left in the waters of the earth to be fruitful, and
multiply, and fill the deep oceans with their offspring, and shut up.
And it was morning and night for another fifty or eighty million
years, and it was less noisy, and God saw that it was good.
And as God watched the creatures in the waters of earth, He said
"Let some of my children move onto the dry land, and multiply, and
become fruitful, and do other stuff." And lo, the green plant did sprout
upon the face of the land, and the creeping thing moved upon the earth,
and God looked and saw that it was, if not good, at least different.
And it was morning and night for dozens of millions of years.
And God said, "Let the dry land move as on the back of a turtle,"
and the lands did become creeping things, pushing the waters of the deep
aside. And some lands did bump into other lands, and there was a
gnashing of mountains and weeping of oceans. And God said, "Plates.
Groovy."
And God looked upon His children that He had taken to be with Him
in heaven, and God saw that He had more than enough tribbles from the
deep waters, and He said "Let there be no more tribbles." And He stoked
the bowels of the earth, which belched forth heat and smoke and flame
for forty days and forty nights, give or take a hundred millenia.
Therefrom did the tribbles bite the dust. And many other things
were also cooked, each after its kind, even the creeping thing.
And when the face of the earth was clean again, God looked upon it
and saw that almost everything living had disappeared, and He said, "Let
there be new moving things in the oceans, new flying things in the air,
new stomping things on the land, and even new creeping things."
And lo, the waters of the deep begat swimming dragons, and the dry
lands begat giant trees and walking dragons, and the skies were filled
with flying dragons. And God looked and said, "Bad!" and it was good.
And God watched the dragons, which multiplied and were fruitful and
begat and begat and begat for a long time.
Then good looked at His watch, which is always on the right time,
and He said, "Whoops, We wanted to beget man in Our image. We'd better
get a move on." And He took the dragons of the sea, and of the land, and
of the air to be with Him in heaven, celebrating the occasion with
fireworks from heaven and more flames from the bowels of the earth.
Then God said, "Let us fashion man in Our own image, starting with
these cute little rats." And He gave man dominion over the things that
were still left on the earth, even the creeping thing -- except the
cockroach.
July 14, 1994 -- by Lee J. Merkel
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Now try a creation myth which is older than your computer. |